by Jose Contreras, Pelican Bay State Prison, CA
by Jose Contreras, Pelican Bay State Prison, CA
My name is Jose Contreras also known as Chuy which is short for Jesus. On May 31, 1992, I was arrested, then tried, and sentenced to two LWOPS sentences plus 51 years. From that day on, I believed in my heart that my life was over; that I was going to die in prison. The only thing I had left was my life. So I made up my mind to survive prison at any means until my journey in this world finally concludes.
Today, 33 years later, I still carry on the same sentence. But, despite my feelings of dying in prison, now I see hope. I hope that one day, I too could go home. In the past few years, I witnessed law changes, many people advocating for change, and some individuals who had an LWOP sentence, return home to their loved ones.
Very soon, my old friend Gregory Sanders, better known to us as Blue, who used to be an LWOP, will be released after 44 years of incarceration. What Blue is experiencing, is something that I don’t know could ever happen to me so I approached him and asked if I could interview him before he leaves this place; he gladly accepted.
My Interview With Gregory Sanders
Choy: How are you?
Blue: Oh man…a deep breath. I’m blessed. I’m truly blessed. I’m a man of faith and hope and God has blessed me and my prayers have been fulfilled.
Choy: Blue, what is going through your mind at this moment?
Blue: At this very moment, Chuy? Well, I look back and I see a journey. I visualize where I used to be and then where I am now. I ask myself, is this real? Is it really happening or I am in a dream? It’s hard to put this in a few words. I’m sure you get me, Chuy.
Choy: What do you feel when you think about yourself as a free man?
Blue: I feel like the chains had been lifted off me and now I can decide what direction I want to take. I’m no longer restrained. I can choose what to eat, and what clothes to wear. I feel at peace knowing that there would be no more sounds of doors closing behind me and no more standing counts. I don’t know how to describe the feeling of leaving a dark place, to cross a gate, and to walk into the light. This is something that I have been dreaming about. Now the dream is a reality. I’m about to leave behind decades of hopelessness and waiting. Chuy, it feels like the sky has opened up just for me. I am excited with the idea of being reunited with my only son and to have the opportunity to hug and play with my grandson. I’m a grandfather, Chuy, and this is one of my many blessings.
Choy: When you came to prison in 1980, did you imagine that you would die in here?
Blue: Never! That thought never crossed my mind. I was and still am a fearful man of God. See Chuy, I grew up in a family of faith. I am telling you. This saved me in prison, otherwise I would be doing what others were doing like drugs, gang banging, violence, etc., but the thought that I was going to die in prison never came to my mind. I never believed that. I know I have to be patient, to trust the process, and to do the work. I knew this because the day I was sentenced, I found myself looking into a long corridor, a dark corridor, but at the end I was able to see a thin light. So I kept moving toward that thin light until one day I was able to break through the darkness and here I am. I am holding that thin light in my hands.
Choy: When did you see the first sign of hope?
Blue: In July, 2020 when Mr. Scott Budnick came here and he took my name with him and gave it to the Governor. Nevertheless, he honestly told me that it all would depend on what the Governor saw in my records file.
Choy: What message would you like to give to those who you leave behind and who are carrying an LWOP sentence?
Blue: You know Chuy, I have been in this process with so many friends during my incarceration and it’s painful for me to think that soon I will be leaving this place and they will be staying behind. However, I want y’all to have faith. Trust God. Trust yourself and believe, but really believe that one day you too will go home. Keep in mind that you too just need to keep pushing toward the thin light at the end of the corridor. Keep trusting the process. Walk to live your thoughts and not just to think about them. You need to live and conduct yourself as a free man. I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but it could be very worthwhile one day. I know this because I am living proof of it. It’s never too late to start, never. And I know in my heart that I will see y’all out there one day in the near future.
Choy: Thank you my friend for your time and words.
Blue: Absolutely. You know what, Chuy. When you first told me that you wanted to talk to me before I leave, I thought that you would ask me what I was going to leave you on my parole day. [Both laugh.] I am glad you came to do this, you are the only person who has approached me in this way. It’s important because this is something I want to do once I’m out. I want to support y’all. To speak up for those I’m leaving behind and I appreciated that you just got me started. Thank you, Chuy.
Choy: You’re welcome, Blue.
Conclusion
With this I ended my interview with Blue who only has a few more days before he gets released from Pelican Bay State Prison. He, as many of us, came to prison with an LWOP sentence in 1980. Now, 44 years later, his faith, his hope, and his efforts have paid off. He is about to be a free man. A FREE MAN!
Reflection
After I sat down to reflect on what has been said, it’s not a wonder why the Board of Parole Hearing found Blue suitable for release from prison. He lived what he always believed in his heart and this should be an example to all of us who carry such a sentence on our shoulders, and who are pursuing an opportunity to return to our loved ones and to our communities. This is the reason I carried out the interview. I want to send this message to you, the readers. If you are carrying on an LWOP sentence and think that you’re going to die in prison; please, don’t. Have faith, trust the process, do the work, and find the real change within yourselves. The gates could open, the same as it did for my friend Blue. If you are out there being our warriors and fighting for us; please, never give up. You’re appreciated more than what you might think. Your care and compassion give us all hope. Hope to face every day’s challenges. And hope to continue dreaming of our FREEDOM.
Leave a Reply